


Found Love in a Graveyard

by cahnanr (orphan_account)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-07
Updated: 2013-08-18
Packaged: 2017-12-17 23:25:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/873172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/cahnanr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the angels fell Castiel wandered for days, and one night he stumbles upon Sam and Dean in a graveyard. Dean has a lot of trouble trying to deal with how he feels, or even to figure out how he feels in the first place. Castiel feels like he is a burden, and more importantly that he is being underestimated. Sam is very ill but refuses to lay around and is frustrated by Dean's stubbornness.</p><p> </p><p>I will try to update this but I am finding it nearly impossible to find inspiration to write it.</p><p>Writing is hard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fallen and Found

After the trials, even as damaged as he was, Sam insisted that he be allowed to work, and as much as Dean protested he couldn’t stop Sam. Now they were working a job in a upper-middle class community in a small town; another vengeful spirit out to get some foolish young man who had screwed them over before their death. To tell the truth, this job was almost too easy, which scared the brothers half to death considering there should be hell on earth with Heaven shut down, leaving it open season for evil.

They were finishing up with the ghost, burning the bones in a nice little cemetery with perfect marble headstones and beautiful hanging baskets of flowers next to each grave, the cemetery of the rich and bitchy. The scene was almost too eery, a pit of fire among the beauty, but in all honesty it only made it more beautiful if you could only see it - that is, beautiful when you look past what’s actually happening. The two of them stood at the edge of the hole they had dug, staring into the flames that licked at the bones and slowly turned them to ash, too many thoughts passing through their minds to keep track of - and none of which were happy. But as they stood there, everything so clear and the air so cold and crisp that it seemed a dream, Dean had this impenetrable feeling that something was near, that something was going to happen.

The thing that confused him was that he wasn’t scared, not worried at all, not angry, not panicking; he was anxious. And the longer he felt it, the less he understood it, and the more he wanted to get it over with. Still, he was almost excited.

Dean opened his mouth and was about to say something witty and stupid about it, try to tell Sam in the only way he knew how, but there was a sound from behind them, something lurking in the shrubs. Normally this wouldn’t startle either of them, but some how it made them both jump a little.

“Sam? Dean?” A scruffy, low voice called to them from where the noise had come. Their eyes widened, and they were left speechless. All they could do was stare as the fallen angel in his dirty trench coat came stumbling from the bushes with a hand holding one arm as if it were hurt badly.

“Cas!” Dean gasped, finding himself running to Cas without thinking about it, just excited to see him alive. Dean put his hands on Cas’s shoulders, staring at him with such relief in his eyes. Before he could stop himself he had pulled Cas into himself and wrapped his arms around him, “You’re okay! I thought you might be dead… I saw it…”

“The angels falling?” Cas asked, “I know. I saw it as well.”

“Are you alright?” Sam asked, coming up next to them and keeping to himself even though a part of him wanted to just throw himself into their hug. Neither of the brothers had thought they would ever see him again, and it hurt them, but seeing him there was almost overwhelming. 

“Not entirely. I had my grace taken, and I have sustained a few minor injuries from the fall…” Cas pulled himself from Dean looked directly at him, his eyes scared, and it seemed he might cry, “I was the first to fall. Because of me heaven is shut down, now all of the angels but Metatron are here on earth as humans.”

“Hey, Cas, buddy,” Dean started, seeing that Cas was beating himself up over it, “It’s not your fault. If you’re going to be mad at anyone it should be Metatron, that sonofabitch… He tricked you.”

“But it is my fault Dean, it’s all my fault.”

“No…”

“Dean!” Cas said angrily, pushing Dean’s hands away. “You’ve saved me enough, and I know when I’ve done wrong. I screwed up and now Heaven is essentially gone. It’s my fault and you cannot tell me otherwise.”

Dean didn’t speak, he just stood there, slightly stunned by Cas’s anger, but remembered that he had fallen and now he was as human as anyone else. He was just as scared. The problem is, Dean knew he would never stop thinking of Cas as his angel. He cleared his throat and stepped back a little, trying to find something to say.

“I’m sorry, Dean,” Cas said, his voice confirming for sure that his apology was genuine. He must have felt horrible. Dean could only imagine how much guilt would hurt Cas now that he had full capability to feel emotions, which wasn’t something he was used to and must scare him, he thought. Even so, Dean was even more lost for words than before, unsure of how to respond to this change.

“It’s okay, Cas,” Dean finally choked out, clearing his throat afterwards. “How about we all go get something to eat?” Dean asked, looking from Cas to Sam, and without waiting for answers he started to stalk back to the Impala. Cas and Sam watched Dean go, then turned to each other, sharing a confused and worried look. Sam shrugged to Cas and they started after Dean.

It felt like an excruciatingly long drive for everyone because of the way Dean managed to thicken the air with his mood, which was very mixed and complicated and it bothered him that he couldn’t figure out just what it was he was feeling. Sam fell asleep in the car half way to the burger joint Dean was driving to, which only made things more awkward for Dean and Cas who sat in a terrifying - but some how also comforting - silence. As they pulled into the parking lot Cas’s face lit up a little.

“How did you…?” Cas started, confused.

“How did I know you loved this place?” Dean said back, one side of his mouth pulling up into a smirk as he looked at Cas in the rearview mirror and their eyes met. “I remembered that this was the place you came to when we were fighting the horsemen, when famine touched you.”

“Thank you,” Cas said, a small smile tugging at his lips and shining through the haze of everything that had happened.

“It probably sounds stupid, but I miss those days.” Dean shook Sam awake as he said this, being as gentle as he could considering Sam’s condition. “It was so simple then, it seems.” Cas nodded in agreement, remembering how it used to be, and he found that he missed it as well. Sam was still too groggy to even understand what Dean was saying much less agree with him, even though he surely would after all the pain he’d been through since then.

“God, I’m hungry…” Sam grumbled as he stretched awake and let out a huge yawn. “I bet you’re more hungry, though, Cas?”

“You have no idea,” Cas groaned from the back seat, holding his stomach and cringing slightly at the hunger cramps and the intense rumbling he thought was more like a roar, and it triggered painful memories of when he was carrying so many souls he thought he might burst. Cas was stuck reliving it in his mind until the creak of the Impala’s doors pulled him back to reality and he jumped a little. He suddenly wished he could still zap places, but he found he had to use the door. As he reached out for the door handle, it seemed to almost vanish the way Dean swung the door open so fast, and just as fast stuck his hand out to replace the handle and take Cas’s hand. Cas was startled, but grateful.

There had been a change in Dean; he seemed so much more considerate recently. It wasn’t just Cas who noticed it with the way he was doted upon with the burgers and the chivalrous door-opening, but he noticed how Dean treated both Sam and himself with such cautious but protective kindness and care. More than usual. And although Cas was human, he was still highly intuitive and he could read Dean better than anyone he had ever met, and he could see in his green eyes what it was that made him act so strangely. He could see that Dean was more terrified than ever to lose the last two people he really cared about, because in a way he already had, and he counted himself lucky to get this second chance. He wasn’t going to be anything less than overprotective at this point, and Cas wouldn’t be one to take that away from Dean.

\-----------------------------------

When everyone had finished eating - which meant four whole burgers and a plate full of fries in Cas’s previously empty stomach - they were about to leave, but Cas stopped them just outside the door to the Diner.

“What, you still hungry? You want dessert?” Dean asked, seeming like he was trying to make a joke but with obvious undertones of seriousness and maybe even hopefulness.

“No it’s not that. I just wanted to thank you, for being so kind. Not just to me, but to Sam as well. I can see how much you care, and it fills me with some feeling I still don’t understand, and it pinches and pokes at my heart almost torturously…”

“Could be heartburn from all the burgers, Cas…”

“No. Not like that. I’m pretty sure anyway,” Cas mumbled that last part, thinking for a moment if it was heartburn or not. “I mean a human emotion, Dean. Something… I think maybe gratitude of some sort, but stronger than anything I’ve ever heard of.” Dean’s eyes scanned Cas’s face, an interesting look on his face that he didn’t know he wasn’t hiding, almost pained.

Sam, Dean had noticed from the corner of his eye, was smirking. “What’s so funny?” Dean asked when Sam started to snicker in his silent way.

“Nothing, Dean,” Sam said, still smiling. Dean shot him a look that said he didn’t believe him, but Sam insisted, “Really, let’s just go home.”

“Good idea… Kevin is probably a little worried by now that we haven’t even called him. Poor kid…” Dean muttered as he pulled the driver’s side door open and plopped down on the seat. While he was putting the key in the ignition a thought occurred to him, but he laughed silently at himself for it because he thought it would give him away if he acknowledged it at all. Cas crawled into the back seat and curled up, tired and full of food, that poking at his heart making him feel strangely fuzzy, and fell asleep there after a few minutes on the road.

About ten miles out, not even half way back to the bunker, Dean was the only one left awake. He glanced back at Cas, just to make sure he was really asleep, and for some reason a thought popped into his head that made him slightly uncomfortable. It must have been the way Cas was laying there, looking so peaceful as he lay sprawled out on the back seat, an arm hanging over the edge now that he had slowly come uncurled from that tight, protective ball he had first laid down in. Dean gripped the steering wheel tighter to shoo off the thoughts and squinted his eyes as he tried to shift all of his attention to the road. But Dean still jumped a little when he heard Cas sigh in his sleep.

Sam, though he looked like he was sleeping, was watching Dean with almost closed eyes, open just enough to see the way Dean was acting, and it made Sam smile a little before he shifted his weight and let himself go back to sleep. Dean glanced at Sam when he moved, but he didn’t know that Sam had seen him a moment ago, and he surely didn’t know that Sam understood what happened. But seeing the smile on Sam’s face made Dean happy, and it was then that he realized how happy the two of them really made him, even now when the three of them were all broken and damaged in their own ways, because he still had a family after all of that loss, and that poked at Dean’s heart.

\--------------------------------

Dean simply sat in the car for a while, listening to Cas breathing softly and Sam snoring, the engine off, just sitting in darkness and calmness. Dean almost fell asleep himself, but was jolted awake with one of those horrible half-dreams of falling. He could barely bring himself to wake the two sleeping beauties, but shook them both awake with a soft touch that felt really strange for Dean but that he knew was necessary.

Sam woke first, snorting as he did so, and sat up stiff and straight like he’d just come up from under water and could finally breathe again. The sound of it pulled Cas from his dreaming, wiping drool off of his face as he sat up. Dean was glad Cas had only drooled on his own arm and not the leather upholstered seat of his baby, but he said nothing about it and just smiled faintly.

Dean watched Cas as he pulled himself upright groggily, yawning and rubbing his eyes like a little kid, and Dean couldn’t keep from smiling. Cas smacked his mouth a couple times and opened those bright blue eyes of his which instantly met Dean’s own lit up greens. Cas was confused, but found himself smiling back, a really small and tired smile but which took little effort.

“What?” Cas asked when Dean didn’t stop staring and smiling like an idiot. Dean shook his head, realizing what he’d been doing.

“It’s just been a while since I’ve seen you… And I’ve never seen you tired like that before, it’s... interesting…” Dean grumbled, feeling Sam’s eyes on him and assuming that he was being accusing. Dean was terrified of being accused of anything, and knew he was being really misleading - not just because of what those words insinuated, but that it wasn’t even what he meant, which was only worse - and it upset him. He tried to shake it off, pulling the car door open with a creak and once again pulling Cas’s door open for him, which some how pleased Cas greatly, though he didn’t quite know why. And to be honest, Dean didn’t know why he kept doing it at all, or why he was being so sympathetic towards everyone recently.

As the three of them entered the bunker Cas was feeling conflicted, like he was a burden, but when he looked at Dean and was about to tell him he felt horrible about having to be taken care of, he realized a number of things. First, he knew that he’d saved Dean over and over, brought him back to life and got him out of some shitty situations, so he had earned it. Second, Cas wanted to be taken care of, after all the shit he’d gone through it felt good to be the one being saved. And third, he wanted Dean to take care of him, and not just because he owed it to Cas, but because being taken care of by Dean was one of those things that poked Cas’s heart until it was numb and beating oddly, something that made him feel happy but guilty all at once.

So Cas would stay there with them. There were plenty of rooms in the bunker, enough that there was a spare even after each of them had a room of their own, a spare that was being used by Kevin for the time being. It surprised Cas that even Kevin was so welcoming to him, dropping the tablet he was working on to hug him with more force than you would expect from a tired prophet.

“You’re human now, aren’t you?” Kevin said, looking almost like he might cry. Cas didn’t want to answer his question, but he didn’t have to, just hugging Kevin back was enough answer. “I’m sorry, Cas.”

Sam trudged off to his room, barely functional he was so tired, and Kevin stayed at the table working on the tablet despite Sam and Dean telling him he should really get some sleep. Dean showed Cas where the bathroom was and brought him to his new room, “I know it’s really plain, so you can do what ever you want to it. It’s your room now,” Dean had said, slapping the wall to emphasize.

“Thank you, Dean,” Cas said, looking around the room, specifically anywhere but at Dean to avoid the guilt. He sat down on the bed, pulling at the sleeve of his coat that needed to be cleaned badly. Dean watched him, wondering how he could have spent all that time in the same dirty suit and coat.

“I’ll be right back, stay there,” Dean said as he turned to leave. Cas raised an eyebrow to this, but he said nothing. He stood and opened a few drawers and doors in the room, finding them all empty except that one of the drawers had a pice of string, which he twirled around his finger until Dean came back.

“What’s that?” Cas asked, seeing Dean had a plastic bag in his hands, which he held out in front of him.

“Some old clothes I don’t wear. I figured you could use some since all you have is that old suit,” Dean said, putting the bag in Cas’s hands when he wouldn’t take it. 

“Are you sure?” Cas asked, looking in the bag at the old tee-shirts and torn jeans. In the back of his mind he was thinking that it was a little rude of Dean to give him crap clothes, but he acknowledged the fact that this was probably the best he would get for now until they actually bought him things, which could be a long time from now.

“I wouldn’t have given them to you if I wasn’t. I’m sorry it’s a bunch of crap though, it’s all I had that I could give you. We can get you new stuff some other time, okay?” Cas nodded and Dean smiled faintly, “Okay. I’ll be in my room if you need anything. Goodnight, Cas.” Dean started to walk away, and as much as Cas wanted to stop him, he didn’t because he didn’t know what to say. There was always time for thank you’s but there never seemed to be enough ways to say it. Instead he let out an almost silent goodnight to Dean that went unnoticed.

Cas dumped the bag out on his bed, everything was neatly folded and packed into the bag nicely, which confused him a little. He shuffled through the old tee-shirts with band logos on them, the plain shirts, the flannel, a pair of boxers that seemed like they’d never been worn and the two pairs of pants, both ripped in the knees and slightly frayed at the bottom. It surprised him to see some of these things, like the barely worn AC/DC shirt with not so much as a wrinkle in it, like it had been babied, and the Led Zeppelin and Metallica shirts with little tears in the sleeves and at the hems, ones Dean had obviously loved and worn many times.

Cas felt bad for thinking that the clothes were crappy now that he understood that these clothes must have meaning to Dean, they were cherished and probably had sentimental value, which now made them some of Cas’s favorite things. He closed the door to his room and stripped down, putting all of his dirty clothes in the plastic bag and leaving it by the door. He pulled the boxers on and slipped the Metallica shirt over his head, amazed by how nice it felt to be wearing Dean’s clothes even though they were very worn in - which, after he thought about it, must have been why it felt so nice.

Cas was exhausted, but he couldn’t seem to sleep. He laid on the bed, splayed out like he wanted to take up as much room as he could, just to see how big he could make himself, and fingered a hole in the hem of the grey shirt. He stared at the ceiling, connecting the dots of the popcorn ceiling in his mind to make shapes. But after a while his mind began to wander, no longer seeing the shapes he was making and instead finding himself remembering everything that had happened in the past five years.

His life was quite boring before Dean, he realized. But it was also more safe. But that’s how it works, isn’t it? You get one or the other, never both, Cas thought to himself. He started to drift farther from consciousness as he thought, seeing Dean’s wild green eyes in his mind, watching as they faded and dulled with each loss, with each day of the torture that was his life, and Cas found that there was a warm tear sliding from his eye and onto the pillow beneath his head. He heard it tap against the fabric as it fell; a soft sound, but a painful sound.

That night Cas fell asleep with those sad eyes practically burned into the insides of his eyelids. He fell asleep in the clothes that that man had given him, in a room he let him use, a few walls between them, and a humming heart beneath his hand which rested upon the soft fabric that smelled of Dean.


	2. Rebels and Bubbles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Awkward encounters with Castiel and Dean.

Everyone slept in until 9:00, not willing to get up any earlier. There was no case, no reason to get up early, no reason to have to leave at all. Dean was the first to get up, and being in a good mood because Cas was back and he knew he was safe, he made breakfast. Sam was second awake, plopping down in a chair with eyes half closed, only somewhat awake. Kevin followed shortly afterwards, unintentionally mocking Sam’s actions and slumping down into the chair next to him.

Then there was Cas, who woke tangled in blankets and nearly fell out of his bed at the smell of the food Dean was making, but even though he was stumbling he was almost silent; as if he were graceful even without grace, and even when he was clumsy. He was so gracefully clumsy, in fact, that no one but Dean noticed him come in and sit across from Sam - because Dean could tell without looking, he could just feel his presence.

Cas stared at Sam, noticing for the first time the dark circles around his eyes, the redness of his nose, the way that you could just see how miserable he felt. He didn’t know why, but Cas found himself taking the blame. He thought that maybe if he had his grace he could help Sam, that he might be able to at least lessen the suffering a little bit. But he couldn’t now, and it was maddening.

The guilt bubbled into anger, and as Dean came to set a plate of food in front of Cas, he smacked it out of his hands. The plate flipped in the air and landed on the floor with a spray of ceramic pieces and food, shattering so loud Sam and Kevin nearly fell out of their chairs. Dean froze, horrified, and stared down at Cas, who kicked his chair back and ran to his room so fast he practically disappeared.

“You should go talk to him,” Sam commented after a moment. Dean looked at Sam, then at the food on the floor, then towards Cas’s room. Sam nodded, and that was how he, without saying a word, told Dean he would deal with the mess on the floor and that Dean should go deal with Cas. After all, Sam didn’t know what he could even say to him, and it was good he didn’t because if it had been Sam who came to comfort Cas, he might have only broken something else.

Cas fell back onto his bed, hands in his hair, and stared at the ceiling so angry with himself he forgot to breathe for a moment. Dean stood in the doorway, hesitant to come in, and leaned against the doorframe.

“Just come in if you’re going to come in, you’re disturbing me the way you just stand there,” Cas grumbled, not even glancing at Dean. 

“Sorry,” Dean said, sitting next to Cas on the end of the bed.

“You don’t need to be. I am the one who should be apologizing right now,” Cas muttered, pulling his fingers through his hair before he let them fall onto the blanket above his head.

“Well, what happened back there?” Cas just looked up at Dean, not knowing how to explain it to him. He could say it was nothing, but it wasn’t and he’d only be stalling. He could lie and tell him it was just nerves. Or that he was tired. Both bad lies. And then there was the truth.

“I…” Cas started, huffing as he pulled himself upright, “I feel like this is all my fault; Sam’s ill condition, specifically. I know I failed all of the angels, and I know I’ve failed you many times, and now I’ve failed Sam once more. Maybe if I…”

“Hey,” Dean said softly, trying to console him, “Don’t talk like that. What’s done is done, and no one here blames you for anything. So you’ve screwed up a few times, but you’ve been forgiven. If we blamed you we wouldn’t let you stay here, Cas.”

“I know,” Cas replied despondently, “I know that you don’t blame me. But the problem here is that I do. If I had my grace maybe I could fix this…”

“Cas,” Dean stopped him. They met eyes and Dean frowned. Before he could stop himself he whispered, “It’s not broken.”

Cas seemed stunned, felt his heart sink. He remembered how he had said that same thing to Dean, how he had yelled it. Hearing it now, said with sympathy and kindness, seemed almost odd. But it is broken, he thought, I am broken, Sam is broken, and you have always been broken. But the way Dean was looking at him stopped him from saying those things, from fighting him. He was right about one thing, what’s done is done, there is no turning back now. So Cas nodded, too afraid to speak that he might say something he didn’t really want to say because his feelings were all boiling inside him and he didn’t know how to deal with them yet.

“Are you okay?” Dean asked, studying the look on Cas’ face; the pained expression that he couldn’t control. Cas tried to hide it then, to play it off, but he didn’t know how to. “Cas, it’s okay. Really.”

“Dean,” Cas started, his head spinning, “You really are being too kind to me. After all that I have done, I feel like I should be a burden, but you treat me too well.”

“Listen, Cas, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; you are family. I care about you like I care about Sam. It doesn’t matter how much crap you do, or how bad it is, eventually I have to forgive you because you’re family. That’s how it works.”

Cas didn’t respond. He didn’t know how he possibly could express what he felt with words. All he could do was stare at Dean, to try to determine wether he really meant every word, if there was more to it. Dean stared back, trying to determine what it was Cas was thinking, what he was feeling. But Cas was an open book now, and it was hard for Dean to understand that after all the time he’d spent with such a stoic friend, that now he could be so easy to read. So Dean kept searching for underlying feelings, but found nothing but self hate and doubt in Cas’ eyes.

But Something changed, and they could both feel it when it did. It was overwhelming, what ever it was - but neither of them knew what it was. They blinked, and opened their eyes to find their faces closer than they remembered, but that change in feeling was still in progress. And as it progressed the space between them shrunk, smaller, and smaller, until there was none. There was only heat between them, lips pressed to lips, hands on arms.

It only lasted a moment, ending when Dean pulled away with the fear that he had been compromised, that there was nothing left to hide. And he turned away, scrubbing his hand on the back of his neck, biting down on his lower lip and squeezing his eyes shut.

“I am going to assume we will pretend that never happened?” Cas said it more than asked, and only got a broken nod from Dean in return. He sighed and let himself fall back onto the mattress again, his eyes closed and his hand on his mouth, enjoying the buzzing sensation that spread from his lips to his toes and everywhere in between. 

Dean just stared at his feet, emotions swirling inside like a hurricane. It bothered him that for a moment he couldn’t control it, that he had actually let himself go. And the more he thought about it the more confused he became because he couldn’t decide if he loved or hated the way he felt, but he did know that he would be beyond embarrassed if Sam had seen that.

What he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him, right?

There was Sam, in the doorway, forcing himself to forget what he had seen and erase the smile from his face so Dean wouldn’t freak out at him. He knocked on the doorframe and leaned up against it, crossing his arms.

“You alright now?” Sam asked, looking at Cas. Before Cas could even think of answering Sam, Dean had jumped in with an answer.

“Yeah, he’s fine, Sam. But you’re not,” Dean snapped. Cas flinched slightly at that, because he was conflicted as to if he should be mad that Dean lied to Sam’s face or if he should be fluttery about the way Dean had stressed the word fine and given it a whole new meaning that he had never thought of before.

“Dean, I’m okay…”

“No, Sam. You’re not. You’re part of the reason he lost it earlier. He feels like crap because you aren’t okay,” Dean interrupted, almost shouting. Sam’s eyes flicked to Cas for a moment, stunned, as if he didn’t know how to process that. Dean could tell.

“Dean, I know you want me to just lay down and feel sorry for myself, because that’s what it always is with you. But guess what, I’m not going to do that. I can’t. It will drive me crazy.”

“That’s not healthy,” Cas mumbled, trailing his fingers across his stomach absently as he laid there.

“Exactly,” Dean said, seeming to be speaking with a mix of anger at Sam and appreciation for the fact that Cas agreed with him.

“I can’t though. I need to work, it’s the only thing keeping me from just giving up completely,” Sam argued, almost pleading.

“Regardless, if you keep going and never rest, it will kill you,” Cas said, trying his best to be sincere but only sounding like the old Cas; void and scolding. Sam stood there a moment, just staring at the floor.

“I know,” He said as he turned to leave. 

 

\---------------------------

 

It didn’t take too long before Dean was showing Cas how to do many things. A lot of them he was quick to pick up on, but there were a few he didn’t entirely understand. Like washing clothes. Dean quickly decided that would stay his and Sam’s jobs when Cas flooded the laundry room with bubbles and hot water. Same story with the dishwasher.

Dean was weary of washing Cas’ old clothes; the dirty old trench coat and suit. But he decided it was worth it to see the look on Cas’ face when he had his trench coat back, as he slipped it on and snuggled into it since it was still warm from being cleaned. The coat meant a lot to Dean, which was clear because he had kept it when he thought Cas was gone, and because it meant so much to Dean it meant even more to Cas. That coat was as important to Cas as the Impala was to Dean.

And then came the time when Cas became in desperate need of a shower. Sam and Dean exchanged a worried glance when Cas had told them that despite his many years of observing humans, he tended to tune out when any person would venture into the bathroom. It made him uncomfortable. So there was another thing he needed to be taught. And just like any other time, Sam and Dean would rock-paper-scissors over it; because after all that is the Winchester way, is it not? Besides self sacrifice, there was one thing you could always count on from the Winchesters…

Dean lost.

And with that Dean stormed off to the bathroom, pulling Cas along by the sleeve and shutting the door tight behind them. He turned away from Cas, waiting for him to undress. But Cas just stood there with a puzzled look on his face, wondering what Dean was doing.

“Cas?” Dean asked, holding back his anger.

“Yes?”  
 

“You need to take your clothes off for this,” Dean said quietly, his voice cracking slightly as he tugged at the collar of the trench coat that Cas was wearing for the second day in a row.

“Oh!” Cas gasped, pulling the coat off and letting it fall in a heap on the floor. Dean turned away again, listened as each piece of clothing hit the floor, taking deep breaths to try to keep calm. “Now what?”

Dean didn’t answer, turned to the shower to start it. He closed his eyes tight and stuck his hand under the water, spinning around to face Cas. He had forgotten, for a brief moment that he was naked. Dean averted his eyes to the mirror and noticed his face was flushed pink.

“Now you get in there and clean yourself,” Dean mumbled nervously.

“Dean…?” Cas asked slowly, cautiously, afraid that Dean might get upset. Dean flicked his eyes to Cas’s, unable to control himself when his eyes strayed to the other man’s chest, then snapped them back up to his face when he realized he had done it.

“What?” It was clear that Dean was uncomfortable, but Cas was more than willing to make it worse. What else would he do? He was ‘clueless.’

“I don’t know what to do… I mean, I understand, I stand in the water. But…” He stopped for a moment, trying to think it through, “Would it not be easier if you just came in to help me?”

Dean felt the blood rush to his face so fast he thought he might burst. He told himself he didn’t want to do this, but he thought it through for a moment, and with an almost unnoticeable nod he turned away and began to undress. He felt uncomfortable, almost sickly so, because of the way he could feel Cas watching him, scanning over his body. Before he could get too worked up about it he got into the shower and waited for Cas.

It was nearly impossible, but Dean managed to control himself the whole time. Even when he was scrubbing Cas’ hair and he made some inhuman sounds of pleasure as Dean massaged his scalp. He bit his lip until it bled, and it bled a lot. And when Dean reached past Cas to turn the water off, his hand brushing against Cas’ thigh on the way back, he almost slipped and fell over out of sheer horror.

But it only got more awkward for Dean when he had to show Cas how to properly wrap a towel around his waist because he couldn’t figure it out. He had wrapped it around him, and as he was tucking the edge in his knuckles brushed so lightly against Cas’ skin just under his belly button and made him shiver a little, which Dean almost laughed at but mostly was screaming internally because he couldn’t decide wether to think the way he squirmed and twitched his head was adorable or terrifying.

Sam hid a smile behind his fist, trying not to laugh at the look on Dean’s face as he stood there dripping wet in only a towel, Cas beside him just the same. Both with little nicks on their faces from Dean’s attempt to show Cas how to shave. He gathered himself enough to start to speak, but before he could utter a single word he was silenced by Dean’s glare as he stuck a hand out, protesting.

“No. Not going to talk about it. Ever,” Dean snapped, stomping off to his room to put on clean clothes. Cas watched him leave, then turned to Sam and tilted his head a little to one side.

“I don’t see the big deal…” He paused to think and frowned a little, “but I didn’t learn much. He did everything for me.” Cas just shrugged at the horrified look that crossed Sam’s face as he was bombarded by unwanted images in his mind, and he walked away to his own room to get dressed.


	3. Shotguns and Splinters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean takes Castiel out shooting to prepare him for future hunts, and things get messy.

A couple of days after Cas’ first shower, which Dean dreamt of one night, Sam said that Dean should take Cas shooting so he’d be better with a gun for when they started taking jobs again. Sam didn’t say why he offered, though, which was so that they would be out and he could take a job himself and blow off some steam without being babied by Dean. That day he checked out something he had a few leads on but it turned out to be a dead end, and he got pain meds on his way home - mostly so Dean wouldn’t be suspicious. 

Dean drove Cas out to a field, empty beer bottles rattling in a box in the back seat, and played his music loud because Cas said he could. they set up the bottles on a broken old fence near an abandoned barn and Dean led Cas back to the spot where he’d be shooting from. First he taught him how to load the gun, which Cas picked up on relatively quickly. He learned handgun, shotgun, sawn off… pretty much everything Dean had in the trunk just to be safe, and took shooting lessons with each after learning the feel of it by loading and dumping ammo a few times.

Dean didn’t expect Cas to know what he was doing at all, so he was surprised, to say the least, when Cas took his first shot with a handgun and hit a bottle straight on, the glass blowing out in a spray around the bullet. Dean’s expression was priceless; jaw dropped and eyes wide, and very slowly it changed into a closed mouth smile as he nodded, thinking to himself, not bad. And he looks pretty bad ass, too.

Cas smirked at Dean and moved on to the next gun, doing just as well to prove it wasn’t just a fluke. As Cas shot the last gun, just after the dust had settled and the sounds of the shattering glass and the boom of the gun had left their ears ringing, a scream rang out from somewhere nearby. They exchanged a worried look, unaware that there was anyone around, and turned in the direction of the sound. It had come from the old barn, and without hesitation they ran towards it with guns in hand.

The barn was worn down; cracks in the walls shining light onto the dirty floor inside, gaping holes in the roof where water damage had made it cave in, vines crawling up and curling around the walls like thousands of little fingers grasping the barn, and scorch marks and ash where there had been a fire one night when some druggies were messing around. It sat in an otherwise empty field, eerily solitary. The grass in the field hadn’t been cut in too long and it bent over onto itself, arched into crescents with no wind at all to ripple them and make waves. The way the sun hit the building from behind made it look dark and hollow. Cold and eerie.

Dean sauntered inside, emanating bravery, and Cas trailed close behind him, taking in that extra bravery Dean was emitting and pretending it was his own. And until a bird flew out of a hole in the roof with a crack of it’s wings, Cas had convinced himself that he, too, was brave enough. But the truth was, being human gave Cas a new sense of fear. He had, of course, felt fear, but never like this. He feared his father, he feared repercussions, feared the unknown in a sense. But now he really felt the fear. Maybe it was because he knew he could die so much more easily, that he couldn’t just walk through life without much worry about when his time would come, that anything could kill him at any time; and it made him jumpy and nervous at the slightest of threats.

Dean tried not to laugh at Cas, knowing that he was terrified but slightly amused by the way that he brought the sawn off up to his face to shield himself from the bird. He made a mental note to toughen him up some time.

“You okay there, Cassie?” Dean asked mockingly.

“I don’t appreciate your insinuation that I am acting girlishly…” Cas mumbled. Dean knew he hatted being called Cassie; it was degrading. But Cas knew he was overreacting, and he couldn’t exactly blame Dean for thinking so, but he could be a little less rude about it.

“Hello?” a voice called from a dark corner. It seemed so cliché. The voice was so small and scared, it must have belonged to a child or young woman. But as they advanced into the darkness, there was no movement at all, no signs of their being anyone there.

Cas squinted and tilted his head at the empty corner, straining his eyes to see what wasn’t there. Then suddenly he felt hands on his face, covering his mouth with cold fingers and pulling him back and down with a jerk, and nothing more than a choked “Dean!” was able to pass through his lips before he was on the ground with the wind knocked out of him and he blacked out.

Dean’s heart was pounding when he turned around at the sound of Cas calling out his name. He searched in the darkness, and for at least two minutes he looked for someone who was not there. “Cas?!”

Cas opened his eyes, and he swore that it had been Dean’s voice that had pulled him from the icy grip of the darkness behind his eyes, but his eyes opened to see only black. His heart was in his throat as he willed his eyes to adjust to the darkness, but they would not because there was no light at all. He felt around him, finding that there was empty space on all sides. But as he laid down, his head thumping against the dirt beneath him, and reached his fingers out to either side in hopes to find his gun, he instead found his fingers brushing against something cold and dry.

Dean fumbled around for his lighter, hoping to use it for light, desperate to find Cas. His hands were shaking slightly and he found himself wishing he had never agreed to this. I knew something like this would happen! I never should have listened to Sammy! He thought, pulling the lighter from his pocket and flicking it a few times before the flame appeared in a puff of light and gas, revealing for a brief instant a bloody face, hair pressed to it’s forehead with moisture, eyes hidden by shadow. Dean dropped the lighter, startled, and found himself engulfed in darkness, feeling a cold hand upon his arm, dragging it’s nails across his skin and forcing a scream from his lips as a drop of blood fell from his arm to the ground below with an almost silent splat.

Cas held back the urge to scream, kicking himself away from the thing he had touched only to ram into something wet and squishy behind him. He gasped, blinded by a sudden burst of light that flickered like a flame, rolling away from it and coming face to face with a bloody face, hair pressed to it’s forehead with moisture, eyes hidden by shadow. Cas found that he couldn’t hold back any longer and let out a scream, jumping away from the thing. There was moisture on his forearm, soaking through his shirt. He pulled back his sleeve and he ran his fingers across his flesh, slick with blood. But there was no cut, only the distinct sticky substance rolling from his arm and falling to the ground below with an almost silent splat.

The pain shooting through Dean’s arm would have been enough to make anyone else pass out, but he refused to give in, he had to find Cas. He fumbled for the lighter which was still lit, flame licking the dirt on the ground, and held it up so he could examine the cuts on his arm. The thing had disappeared, and Dean didn’t know wether to be glad or terrified. But at that moment he couldn’t worry about that, he had to find Cas before something bad happened to him. Then he heard him scream, but couldn’t place where it had come from.

As if that weren’t enough that Cas was mysteriously bleeding, no pain and no wound, only blood; but now he could see the things he had touched before in the darkness. An unknown light source revealed that the wet, squishy thing had been what appeared to be a pile of flesh, and he couldn’t be certain but it seemed to actually be a pile of people. And the cold, dry thing had been bones. He should have known from the start, but he was too consumed by fear to think straight. And now he sat there, breathing heavily, surrounded by dead people and covered in blood that couldn’t be his own, wondering where the hell he was. He looked down at his arm and noticed that the blood was smearing itself, looking like a cloth was pressed against his arm as if to stop the bleeding.

Dean had torn up a bit of his shirt and pressed it to his wounds to stop the bleeding while he searched the barn. He’d been calling out to Cas all the time he’d been looking, and even after five minutes he didn’t shut up. But he froze, deer in headlights, when he saw that face in front of him again. It grinned at him, toothy and disturbed. Dean instinctually swatted at it with his lighter and it turned to a puff of smoke, dissolving around the flame and disappearing entirely, only to reappear behind him and wrap it’s fingers around his shoulder with hands like claws.

Cas hissed in pain when he felt something digging into his shoulder, and turned in a circle hoping to find what had done it. There was nothing but empty space, even the bodies and bones he had seen before had now seemed to vanish. Had he imagined them before? It seemed that they had disappeared when he blinked. But, then he noticed that he was somewhere else. He had moved in the blink of an eye, but how?

“Cas?!” Dean called out at the top of his lungs, hoping he would be heard; that Cas was alive and could hear him. He turned and took another flaming swing at the ghost lady who had the creepiest grin on her face. When she disappeared for a moment he ran to his gun and held it up, aiming it in front of himself and waiting for the woman to come back so he could shoot her. Good thing he loaded the shot gun with salt rounds.

Cas heard his name, and was startled to hear that it came from above him. He stared up at the wooden ceiling above him, which was less than a foot from his head. He searched for a way up, running his hands along the boards in the hopes that he might find a loose board or a trap door. “Dean?” Cas called out when he heard footsteps above him. The footsteps stopped abruptly and he let out a relieved breath.

“Cas? Where are you?” Dean asked, looking around the barn and finding nothing.

“I am under you,” Cas started, thumping his hand against the floorboards to confirm. “But I can not find any way out of here, Dean.” The panic Cas felt was audible. He tried to hide it, but he could not despite his tremendous desire to not feel fear at all, to be the fearless leader he had been before Naomi had broken him; or even after he had broken might be better than this.

“You’ll get out of there, I promise.” Dean saw the woman appear out of the corner of his eye and turned to her, pulling the trigger of his gun and disintegrating the apparition with a puff of salt and smoke. Dean started to walk around, staring at the ground as he wandered, trying to find a way down to Cas.

“What is happening up there?” Cas asked, following Dean’s footsteps and running his fingers along the wood beneath his feet.

“We’ve got a ghost, and she’s not happy,” Dean muttered, keeping his eyes on the ground.

“Perfect,” Cas groaned, thinking he should have known from the start. “Damn it,” He hissed, yanking a hand away from the floorboards and examining the splinter sticking out of his middle finger.

“You alright?”

“Splinter,” Cas mumbled, glancing up at where he had gotten the splinter. He squinted up at it, the way the light shone through the cracks was different from anywhere else. He pushed up hard on the boards and felt them move. Above him Dean jumped, turning to where the boards had risen up and fallen back down with a thud.

Cas pushed up on the boards and Dean pried them up with his fingers, working together to open up the floor so Cas could get out. Time seemed to slow as they worked at the boards, but eventually they managed to pull up the panel trap door and Dean grabbed Cas’ forearms and dragged him out of the pit beneath the barn.

When Cas straightened up, brushing the dirt off of his trench coat, a beam of light shining through the roof fell upon him in such a way that his face was bleached by light and his eyelashes sparkled with particles of dust, and Dean couldn’t look away. When they met eyes Cas’ eyes were glowing in the light, so bright and so blue that Dean felt nearly blinded by them and looked away, pretending he was watching for the spirit.

“Let’s get out of here,” Dean mumbled, pulling Cas by the sleeve and out of the barn. They ran back to the Impala and leaned against the hood to catch their breath.

“Shouldn’t we deal with that?” Cas asked, pulling his trench coat off and draping it over the open window of the passenger side door.

“We have to do research first, that’s just how hunting works,” Dean mumbled out of breath and laying down on the hood of the Impala. He shut his eyes tightly against the scorching sunlight. Cas nodded, mostly to himself, and shuffled over to stand in front of Dean.

Dean felt Cas watching him and raised a hand to his forehead so he could see Cas, backlit by such harsh light that he was all there was in sight and every detail of his face was eerily clear.

“What’s up?” Dean asked, absently pulling his shirt up past his stomach to take in the sun, laying his head against the hot metal of his baby’s hood. Cas swallowed hard, but didn’t say anything. “Something wrong?” Dean asked quietly, scratching at his forearm before hissing in pain at the realization that he had been wounded. He cringed and took a deep breath, waiting for a response from Cas.

“No,” Cas said after a moment, his tone saying otherwise. Dean didn’t push it though. There was a long silence between them, and the whole time Dean could feel Cas’ eyes scanning him, but he did his best to ignore it. “Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think it would be possible to get my grace back?” Cas asked, thinking maybe if he had his grace he might be less scared of everything; including feelings. Maybe he would be less of a burden while he learned to be a better hunter. And maybe he would actually be useful. But those were just the things he hoped; the things that would eliminate his fears.

“I think you’re the one who needs to answer that question,” Dean said, wondering himself if it were possible at all. 

“I think I could. But I’ll need you to promise that you will do anything to help me,” Cas said, feeling a little too demanding. He shoved his hands in his jeans pockets and watched Dean as he shifted on the hood, laying a hand over his eyes to lessen the dull aching that the sunlight induced.

“Anything?”

“Everything,” Cas corrected himself.

“Okay. I’ll do it,” Dean said quietly after a moment, rolling off of the hood and giving Cas’s shoulder a solid slap before turning to get in the Impala. Cas did the same, tossing his trench coat to the back seat; and as he pulled the door closed with a squeak, he felt a jolt of pain sent through his hand. He growled, yanking his hand back to look at the little splinter just too small to grab onto.

“What?” Dean asked with wide eyes scanning the area for a threat.

“Just this splinter, it’s driving me crazy…” Cas mumbled, turning his hand to look at it from different angles. Dean laughed quietly and snatched Cas’ hand in his own, pulling it close to his face. Cas gasped, trying to figure out what Dean was doing as he brought the splintered finger up to his lips and closed them over the tip of the finger. Cas was too confused to understand what was happening, and he just watched Dean with dilated eyes. Then Dean pulled his mouth away and let Cas take his hand back, looking at the slightly reddened finger where there had been a splinter before and now there was only glistening wet skin.

“What… how did you?” Cas stammered, beyond confused at this point. Dean smirked, and spat the splinter out into the dirt through the open window.

“When Sam and I were younger he would get splinters all the time, and he had this thing where he would freak out if I came near him with a tweezers or a pliers. I guess I don’t remember why I first tried it, but I figured out that a good way to get it is with your teeth, and if you kinda’ suck on it it stops the pain, too…” Dean trailed off when he realized he’d started on a tangent. But Cas had been listening intently and was slightly disappointed by the way the story had simply ended even though it was so simple. Cas hummed thoughtfully as Dean started the Impala and began driving back to the bunker, a Led Zeppelin song starting up as he turned around a bend in the road.


	4. Deals and Kittens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas really want's a kitten, but Dean isn't going to just give in so easy.

Cas liked to watch the trees go by, intrigued by the blur of pastel greens and the occasional patches of bright blue sky when the forest would break. When they were on a narrow road surrounded by bending trees that seemed to arch over the road, Cas would lean against the window and stare up at the tree tops because he loved the way that light would break through and shine down between the leaves, even though it just became a bright blur as Dean sped down the road.

As they descended down the stairway into the bunker, Cas dragged his fingers along the railing and enjoyed the way the pads of his fingers occasionally caught on the rusty metal and chipped paint. Dean would have thought it was silly to cherish something so odd, but when he noticed the look in Cas’ eyes - so joyous and childlike with admiration for the little things - he thought maybe he should try to be more like that some times; because as sorrowful as Cas was, Dean noticed that he didn’t show it much because he distracted himself with pleasing thoughts and childish wonder. He lived for the moment because he knew that at any moment it could be his end.

“Where do we start?” Cas asked, watching Dean fall tiredly onto a chair, folding his arms on the table in front of him and laying his head upon them to stare back at Cas.

“With what?” Dean replied wearily, his eyes half closed. Normally he wouldn’t be this tired so soon, but he was stressed and it was a hot day, so dealing with that ghost really took a tole on him. He didn’t like that. He hated it, in fact, because it made him feel as if he were getting old and things were becoming more strenuous. But in reality, it was just that he was under a lot of pressure. How could he not be when he had to look out for Cas, Kevin and Sammy, whose being sick was stressful in and of itself for Dean.

“With the ghost. Where should I start with research?” Cas asked, draping his trench coat over the back of the chair across from Dean.

“Oh,” Dean whispered, “I guess to search the history of the barn and the farm it’s on.” Dean felt his eyes grow heavy and sat up straight to keep from falling asleep. Cas tilted his head at Dean, seeming a little worried about how lethargic Dean had been acting since they left the barn.

“Dean, are you feeling alright?” Cas asked, snatching Sam’s computer from the other end of the table and opening it up. He stared at it as it lit up, clueless as to what to do next.

“Yeah,” Dean mumbled, reaching across and spinning the computer to face him. “How about you let me work the machinery, old fart,” Dean said jokingly, glancing up at Cas who looked worried.

“I don’t know, you’ve seemed a bit off recently. Are you sure you are okay?” Dean didn’t answer him, and he sighed, shaking his head disappointedly. “You should teach me how to use that thing, you know. It would be useful knowledge.”

“Sure, get over here,” Dean answered, gesturing towards the seat next to him. Cas moved around the table and sat next to him, watching the screen intently as he waited to be taught. Dean wouldn’t lie, it was slightly stressful having to answer so many questions about a machine he had some trouble figuring out on his own some times, but Cas was a fast learner which made things a little easier. He had slid the computer over for Cas to mess with on his own for a bit while he got a cup of coffee, and by the time he came back Cas had changed the desktop background to a fluffy black cat and was searching online adoption centers for little stray kittens in need of homes.

“We should…” Cas started, a small smile on his face when he found a little black one with pale blue eyes and it’s claws extended into the carpet beneath it.

“Nope. We are definitely not getting a cat, Cas.” Dean groaned, kicking his feet up onto the table.

“Why not?”

“I have a problem with cats…”

“You mean an allergy? They have medicines for that, Dean.” Cas wasn’t going to give up, he had already fallen in love with the fluffy little guy on the screen and he was determined to be able to cuddle it. Dean rolled his eyes and took a sip of his coffee. “Dean…”

“I’ll think about it, okay?” Dean said, stealing a glance at Cas who was making a pathetic puppy dog face, and snickered quietly behind his cup. “We have to get approval from Sammy and Kev., too, you know.”

“I know. That won’t be a problem, Dean,” Cas said, smirking.

“Confident are we?” Cas just grinned and looked down at his lap. Dean sat up and pulled the computer back to himself, bookmarking the page for the little fur ball and opening a new page for research. They searched the internet for hours and got nothing. Sam came trudging in sluggishly, pulling a chair up to sit behind the two of them.

“What are ya’ looking for?” Sam yawned, leaning forward to stick his head between them and look at the screen.

“Some ghost bitch in a barn… I’ve got nothing,” Dean grumbled, leaning back in his chair and running his fingers through his hair in frustration. Sam huffed a laugh and pulled the computer towards himself. He did a few quick searches and turned the laptop to face Dean.

“This look like her?”

“What?! You’ve got to be kidding me…” He said, irked that after all the work he and Cas had done Sam could just jump in and find it.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Sam laughed, passing the laptop to Dean. He slumped back into the chair and closed his eyes, still somewhat out of it after taking those pain meds he got. 

“Okay… Laura Benson, looks like you’ve been causing trouble for a while,” Dean said with a smirk as he read through an article. “Murdered in the barn one night while she was sneaking around with her boyfriend in the 50’s.”

“So scandalous,” Sam snorted, rolling his eyes.

“But it’s better than that, captain sarcasm… She wasn’t just murdered. The boyfriend did it. He was some kind of closet psycho. He took her into the little space under the barn and tortured her first. Says when the cops found her body they found a ton of missing girls under there with her and none of them had their eyes. The sick son of a bitch scooped the girls eyes out, raped them, and killed them.”

“Wait, did he confess to it, too?” Sam asked, wondering how they could have all this information.

“No, the last girl he brought there escaped and ratted him out to the cops. Says she barely got away and he had already started on one eye and did some damage to it in the process.” Dean made a face at the thought of it, because how sick do you have to be to pull out peoples eyes.

“Geez,” Sam mumbled, watching as Dean scrolled through the pictures of the girls.

“I saw the bodies,” Cas deadpanned, suddenly brought back to the memory of running into them beneath the barn. “I touched them.”

“What?” Dean asked, disturbed.

“I mean when I was under there, I saw the bodies and I bumped into them in the dark… But they disappeared.”

“That’s gross,” Dean said and scrunched up his nose, searching the name of the woman who he believed to be the ghost to find where she was buried. “Aright, there’s a cemetery a mile out from the little town she lived in.”

“Let’s go, then…” Sam started, heaving himself up onto his feet. Dean glared at him.

“No, Sam. You should stay here,” Dean scolded, folding his arms over his chest and standing up as tall as he could.

“Dean, come on…”

“No. Sam, I am serious.”

“Wait,” Cas interrupted, shoving his chair back as he stood and put himself between them. “I think maybe I should do this on my own. I need to get some experience anyway.”

“No, Cas, I can’t let you do that. You could get hurt,” Dean said, suddenly sympathetic rather than scolding. 

“Dean, please…”

“Cas!” Dean almost yelled it, grabbing Cas by the shoulders and looking him in the eyes, “It’s dangerous, and I can’t let you do this alone, I mean it.”

“Have you forgotten that I am not some child who needs to be guided at every step he makes? I was a leader, a warrior, Dean. I can defend myself.”

“I just don’t feel comfortable with this,” Dean whispered, and it was apparent that he was scared. 

“This could be my chance to prove to you that I can handle myself, please just let me do this,” Cas pleaded, frustrated that he had to ask permission to do something he had already done before just because he was human now. Dean searched Cas’ face, maybe trying to find some hint that he wasn’t serious, or maybe just admiring him; even he didn’t know.

“How about this,” Dean said quietly, turning away in defeat. “If you can do this all on your own - if you can prove to me that you really can do this - then we can get that stupid cat.” Cas’ face lit up at that, “But, if you don’t, then no cat, and you don’t go on hunts alone until I personally approve it.”

“Deal,” Cas responded, excited to win this deal and gain himself a furry little companion.

“Alright. If you call me, if you don’t get rid of this chick, or if you get in trouble and I have to come find you, I win. If you can deal with her all by yourself, you get a kitten.”

“Wait,” Sam exclaimed, his tone making Cas and Dean both snap their heads to face him, “You are willing to just get him a cat if he does this, but you won’t even put any thought into letting me get a dog?”

“Dogs are much different…” Dean mumbled.

“What? But you’re allergic to cats, you just don’t like dogs.” Sam rolled his eyes, “If you just gave a dog a chance, you might like it. But obviously it has nothing to do with that anyway…”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Dean scoffed.

“It means that you just can’t say no to Cas…” Sam shouted. He almost wished he hadn’t when he saw the look on Dean’s face.

“What?”

“Nothing. I don’t know what I meant…” Sam trailed off, worried that Dean would start getting defensive.

“I am going to get to work on this case, then,” Cas said to break the tension. He wrote the location of the cemetery on a scrap of paper and shoved it in his pocket. “Can I get a ride?” Cas asked.

“What?” Dean replied, confused because he hadn’t been fully listening, distracted by his mind racing to try to figure out what Sam had really meant. He knew it couldn’t have been so simple as what he said, he meant something more by it, and it was bothering him.

“I still don’t know how to drive, I need a ride.”

“Oh, right. Okay, let’s go…” Dean mumbled, starting off to the Impala without another word. He didn’t mention the fact that technically he was helping because there was no way around that now that Cas couldn’t just zap someplace. He sat on the leather bench seat, turned the key, and stared forwards, listening to the squeak of the door as Cas pulled it closed behind him and the click of the seatbelt as he fastened it around himself. He started off towards the barn, knowing that the town was just a few miles from there.

Dean hated that he couldn’t think of anything but what Sam meant, because it was stupid but he couldn’t help it. He thought, at first, that Sam just meant that Dean seemed to side with Cas more than with Sam, and vice versa. But then he started to think maybe Sam was jealous, that he felt like Dean was putting Cas above him. And one thought led to another, and when he realized what Sam really meant he couldn’t help but to slam the breaks. Cas gasped, grabbing the back of the seat to feel safe.

“You have got to be kidding me!” Dean shouted, slamming his fists against the steering wheel.

“What?” Cas asked, a bit hesitant to do so when Dean was so angry. He was seething, white knuckling the steering wheel. But in all honesty, Dean didn’t know exactly why it was he was angry. He knew what Sam meant, but it wasn’t the meaning that bothered him, it was that Sam had said it. And that he was almost definitely right. 

“I… Sam… He thinks that…” Dean couldn’t get it out, not when it was about Cas and he was trying to say it to his face.

“Yeah, I know. I know what he thinks about you, about us,” Cas deadpanned, annoyed at how overdramatic Dean was being about it. He made it seem like having feelings was the worst thing in the world.

“You… You do?” Dean asked, worried. “Does this mean that you think so, too?”

“I wasn’t going to say anything… But I think after the numerous times that I’ve felt you get uncomfortable at the tension because you thought Sam might find out…” He trailed off, realizing that he may have said the wrong thing.

“I don’t understand,” Dean lied. He knew damn well what Cas was talking about; the kiss, the shower. 

“I think you do, Dean.”

“You mean that first night you came back? Because I haven’t forgotten, but I don’t know why I did it.” Dean couldn’t look at Cas, because, of all the things he could be scared of, it had to be feelings.

“Not just that. It happens all the time. Everyone can see it, we just keep our mouths shut because we know you will react like this; you get angry and you overreact, and you hurt people,” Cas said, trying to keep his tone calm. It seemed to work because Dean’s shoulders slumped forwards at that, at the realization that Cas was right. He did hurt people, and that hurt him in return.

“You know I don’t mean to hurt anyone, right?” Dean commented, not knowing how else he could respond without sounding like a jerk.

“I know,” Cas mumbled disappointedly. He wasn’t sure what he expected from Dean - maybe a real admission of his feelings - but it wasn’t that. Dean started driving again, the silence in the car almost deafening.

“You’re right about me, by the way. All of you. And I hate that. The three of you seem to know more about me than I do some times, and it honestly terrifies me.” Cas looked over at Dean, surprised by his quiet confession. “But just so you know, I can’t just start showing how I feel suddenly… I’m afraid Sam will hate me for it.”

“I understand,” Cas said quietly after a moment. He wanted to tell Dean that he knew for a fact that Sam wouldn’t hate him, and in fact he would be ecstatic. He wanted to tell Dean that it was stupid to even worry about something like that because Sam was his brother and he wouldn’t love him any less for showing a little emotion every once in a while that wasn’t just anger or protectiveness. Cas brought out a side of Dean that he didn’t know he wasn’t hiding some of the time, the side Dean hadn’t needed to learn to cover up before now, and didn’t know how to. He brought out a side that Sam loved to see in Dean because he never had before, and he just wished Dean would embrace it like Sam was trying to.

What Dean didn’t know was that Cas and Sam had talked about it one night when Dean passed out on the couch. They went to the other room and Sam vented to Cas, then Cas to Sam. Both were frustrated with Dean’s ignorance and belligerence towards anything involving his emotions. Later that night they asked Kevin what he thought, if he agreed about what Dean felt, about the way he tried to hide it.

“You mean his obnoxious attraction to this broken guy?” Kevin had exclaimed, jerking his thumb at Cas when Sam had posed the question. “Yeah, I’ve noticed. And I’m tired of him pretty much pouting about it.”

That night Cas couldn’t sleep, now having two confirming opinions, two people siding with him on the matter. It made his head spin with anger and confusion as to why on earth Dean would try so hard to hide something so impossible to hide; something that had no need to be hidden. What was the point in it other than to expose his fear of judgement, of rejection, and of loss. These were fears that everyone who Dean ever met knew he held in his heart.

And now, on the road and driving, he had admitted it. Dean had just told Cas he really felt that way; the last thing he had to hear to completely believe it, and now he intended to change Dean.

\------------------------------

They came back to the bunker later that night, Dean with his head hanging and Cas grinning wildly.

“I see Cas won the bet?” Sam asked, trying not to laugh.

“I sat in the car the whole time; didn’t even watch. We checked the barn, no ghost,” Dean grumbled as he opened a beer and gulped a large portion of it in a few seconds. 

“So, what are you going to name your cat?” Sam asked Cas, smirking through his jealousy which still rang clear.

“I’m not sure yet. I was thinking maybe Bartholomew… Only based on the fact that it is an uncommon name and has a cat sound integrated. But I am still thinking about it.” The way Cas spoke made it clear to Sam that something was up, something he shouldn’t ask about at that moment. But Kevin laughed from the table, unable to contain himself.

“What?” Cas asked, squinting slightly at him.

“Bartholomew? That seems a bit of a big name for a cat, that’s all,” Kevin said, still smiling even as he went back to his tablet. Cas just shook his head and wandered over to Dean who was leaning against the wall with his head tipped back and his eyes closed.

“Dean, I want you to be truthful with me,” Cas started, leaning next to Dean, who flinched at that and tried to play it off. “I asked if you were okay before, and you said yes but I can tell that something is not right with you.”

“Like what?” Dean asked, turning his head to look at Cas with eyes half closed.

“Like how horribly lethargic you have been. Your attitude, mood swings, and your inability to appear apathetic like you normally do about things. Your feelings are showing. Are you sure you are okay?”

“No,” Dean replied after taking a moment to think. Cas was right, he wasn’t okay. He was falling. Not literally, but sometimes it felt like falling, what ever this was. “I don’t know why, but I just kind of broke a while back. I think it was when you came back, I just couldn’t help it. Maybe it’s because I feel like I need to take care of you, or maybe it’s something else, but I don’t know if I like it what ever it is.”

“How can you not like love,” Kevin said under his breath, hoping Dean hadn’t heard him. He glanced up to see that Dean was too distracted, staring at Cas, to notice him anyway and breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Dean, don’t fool yourself. You’ve been broken a long time. This isn’t being broken, it’s being fixed.” Cas told him this as nicely as he could, just hoping that Dean would understand.

“How so?”

“You’ve heard the expression ‘time heals all wounds’, have you not?” Cas asked, and Dean nodded, cocking his eyebrow at him. “Well I don’t see it that way. You build up scars, you pretend, and you mask it. But it doesn’t go away. So the more distraction you can find, the harder it is to see the wounds. And there is one thing that does that better than anything else.”

“What?” Dean asked, intrigued. Cas had very little experience with flirting, but he’d picked up a few things in his time observing, so he thought he’d give it a shot. He moved closer, bringing his mouth up to Dean’s ear. Dean was tense, his fingers squeezing the bottle in his hand.

“It’s called falling in love,” Cas whispered, his voice deep and smooth in Dean’s ear, giving him chills. Maybe he felt stupid for it, but he thought maybe it would work. Dean didn’t react for a moment, just stood there tense and confused. But something took over him, his heart fluttering and his breath becoming shallow, his eyes almost closed, feeling the heat of Cas’ body so close to his own.

“Love?” Dean asked, barely getting the word out.

“And I’ve already fallen,” Cas whispered back, confirming and oddly seductive. It really hurt him to say that, but it was true in every sense.

Dean hated to admit it, but he was feeling more attracted to Cas at that moment than he ever had before, and he couldn’t stop it, couldn’t hide it, and he couldn’t deny it to even himself. He found himself dragging his lips slowly across Cas’ cheek before he realized he had started, the stubble stinging his lips and sending a shiver down his spine. In return he had a hand pulling him away from the wall and to another room. Everything was a blur, but he remembered clearly setting his beer down on the nightstand next to Cas’ bed and immediately being dragged down to the bed by his shirt.

Cas pressed his lips to Dean’s, and for a moment that’s all it was, but Dean gave in and kissed him back. For so long they were lip locked, only stopping to breathe, but Cas pulled away to look at Dean, and just as soon he was jerked back and Dean dragged little kisses all along his jaw, trailing back to his mouth slowly, pressing in harder, hungry for more. Always more.

Dean couldn’t help himself anymore, now that he had started he couldn’t stop. He bit gently at Cas’ lip, coaxing an surprised grunt from him, and shushed him with his lips. Cas’ hands found their way beneath Dean’s shirt, touching and feeling everywhere beneath the soft fabric, digging his fingers into Dean’s back when the nibbling and worrying at his lips became too overwhelming, dragging them down when he decided to bite back. Even if he had maybe bit a little harder than he should have, Dean didn’t complain. He liked the roughness of it; it made him feel more alive and aware when it returned to the soft but wanting kissing, the touching and feeling that was gentle and possessive, made it feel more comforting after the little moments of pain. Like burning his flesh and pouring cold water over it, only to do it again a moment later.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Gabriel’s voice suddenly cut through the panting and soft moans from Dean and Cas. They froze, terrified and confused, rolling over and separating to look in the direction from which the voice had come. There was a snap of fingers and the lights were all now on, blinding the two of them. They raised their hands to their foreheads to see clearer, now staring directly at the archangel.

“Brother?” Castiel asked, bewildered, slightly terrified.

“Did you miss me?” Gabriel smirked, holding his hands out at his sides as if welcoming a hug.

“You were dead,” Dean practically shouted, alarmed by the angel who had suddenly appeared in the room, the angel he believed to be dead, the only angel he had seen who still had it’s wings. Sam was now in the doorway, the sound of Gabriel’s booming voice pulling him away from he book he had picked up.

“Was,” Gabriel said, winking, “but not really.”

“But how…?” Sam uttered, mouth hanging open. His lip split as he spoke, the dry, chapped skin giving out and letting a little drop of blood bubble up on his lip. Gabriel gestured to point it out to him, but Sam just stood and waited for an answer, unfazed by the fact that he was bleeding. Gabriel rolled his eyes and put a hand to Sam’s face, fixing the split in his lip in a fraction of a second, clearing the red rings from his eyes and nose as well.

“Long story,” Gabriel said over Sam’s gasp.

“Better question is, how the hell did you find us?” Dean asked, almost angry, but consumed by his own amazement and gratitude towards Gabriel for his healing touch to Sam’s weak face. 

“You have your secrets, I have mine… But I’ll tell you, it wasn’t easy.” 

Cas was standing, reaching out to touch Gabriel, as if he couldn’t believe his eyes. Gabriel frowned and grabbed Castiel’s hand, giving it a gentle, reassuring squeeze. It startled Gabriel to be suddenly engulfed by Cas, wrapped up in his arms, but Cas needed to feel Gabe, make sure he was real. After all this time of thinking he might not see any of his brothers or sisters again, especially not with their wings and their powers, especially Gabriel; he didn’t know what else to do but to think it might be a dream. Considering that he had just gotten through to Dean, and now this, he was almost sure it was a dream until he felt the tears rolling down his cheeks and soaking into Gabe’s shirt in dark splotches on the grey fabric.

“Cassie, it’s okay,” Gabe said, patting Cas’ head awkwardly. He loved the guy, but this was a little much for him.

“But, how?” Cas asked, voice pinched and quiet. “How do you still have your wings?”

“I never fell,” Gabe answered, prying Cas off of him and sitting him back down on the edge of the bed by Dean, who put a hand on Cas’ arm to keep him comforted and sitting still. “I watched the others though, I saw them falling.”

“We all saw it,” Dean mumbled, a little distracted by the fact that Cas had now wrapped his arms around him and pressed his face to Dean’s chest, sniffling and squeezing him tightly. 

“So why are you here?” Sam asked, breaking the silence.

“I think there are some things I can help you with,” Gabe smirked, suddenly forgetting the previous conversation. All eyes were on him now, waiting for more.


	5. Feathers and Fur

They had moved to the main room, Kevin reluctantly joining them. He wasn’t exactly excited to be anywhere near Gabriel considering his track record of mischief and trickery. Gabriel zapped himself up onto the table, sitting cross legged in the middle with everyone staring up at him.

“So, now that I have everyone’s attention,” Gabe started, “I suppose I should explain a few things. First, I know, you’re wondering how in my father’s name did I keep my wings and all that jazz… Well, I wasn’t in heaven when that bag of dicks up there decided to toss everyone out.”

“But how are you even alive?” Cas asked, slightly agitated by Gabriel’s lack of seriousness about the matter. 

“I was getting there.” Gabriel sat up straighter, head higher, taking in a deep breath - for dramatic purposes of course. He paused, and as he breathed out, he whispered, “I don’t know.”

“Seriously?” Dean shouted, “you couldn’t just say that?”

“Hey now, I told you I was getting there.” Gabe put on a pouty face, looking hurt by Dean’s words when he clearly wasn’t offended. “Honestly, I am just as surprised as you are, buddy.”

“Well, at least you’re back,” Sam offered, trying to keep Dean from starting anything more.

“See, you did miss me,” Gabe said with a wide grin, getting a scoff from Dean in return. All the while Kevin was just trying not to laugh, and Castiel was doing his best not to have a breakdown. He wasn’t sure if it was envy, or something else, but seeing Gabriel there, wings and all, really upset Cas. 

“So, what is it you came here for, exactly?” Dean asked, glaring up at Gabriel.

“Right, I almost forgot.” Suddenly Gabriel was in a chair next to Sam, leaning back so only two legs of the chair were on the ground. “There are clearly many things I can help you with, like fixing up this poor, sick little schmuck,” He jerked his head to Sam as he said this, reminding them of his little deed from before.

“Thank you,” Sam said, putting a hand to his face, aware that he was no longer in any pain. It was surprisingly easy to forget the pain when it had been so suddenly taken away.

“No big deal,” Gabe waved it off. “But, that’s not the only thing I can help you with.” He leaned forward in the chair, elbows on the table, and raised a brow at Cas.

“What?” Castiel asked, a little worried about what he meant.

“I think you know.” Castiel’s eyes widened, staring back at Gabriel, who nodded, smirking slightly.

“But what’s in it for you?” Dean asked accusingly, eyes like daggers.

“Other than revenge on that ass? What more incentive to I need? I never liked the guy… So stuck up because he got to talk to Daddy. And helping my baby brother get his wings back, that’s kind of a priority.” Gabriel’s eyes softened, making it clear that he wasn’t just messing around this time, he meant it even though the tone of his voice was still sly and devious as ever. But in that last moment, in speaking of Cas, his voice also went soft, soft as his honey gold eyes, soft as the kitten Cas was still yearning for.

“So, what do we need to do?” Cas asked after a moment of silence, a faint smile crossing Gabriel’s lips.

“I’m glad you asked,” and there it was, the glibness he always spoke with, the silver-tongued and carless attitude. Some times it made it hard to believe that he was being sincere. “Not much, really… Just let me hang around here for a while.”

“Why?” Dean asked warily, concerned not about Gabriel but about his intentions.

“Oh, just some guys after me. I may have stolen some things and broken a few meaningless promises, and they may be angry with me. And unfortunately these are not just any old guys on the street, these are my fallen brothers, angry, and with blades that can actually kill me. I’d rather not take the risk of being found at the moment, thank you.”

“Meaningless promises, huh? Sounds like they didn’t think so,” Dean said, annoyed to the point that his face was slightly reddening. “What did you have to steal for them to want to kill you, anyway?”

“Nothing important, really. I was just taking back some things that had been stolen from me a long time ago.”

“Right…” Dean uttered contemptuously, not believing what he said to be anything close to the truth. He was sure it was some stupid little lie, and to be honest he didn’t care all that much, he just wanted Gabriel to leave.

“I guess you can stay…” Sam started, running a hand through his hair.

“No,” Dean stopped him, glaring at Sam now. “Just like that, Sam? Come on…”

“After what I did for you, Dean? Please, you guys are the only people I trust at the moment, and you can have my word that I will be a good boy.” Gabriel pulled his legs up into the chair, sitting cross legged again, and tried to give Dean a puppy dog face. Dean just scoffed at him, so he turned to Sam.

Normally Sam would be able to resist, but after Gabriel healed him, after all the help he had been to them, the fact that he had - maybe - died for them at one point… He couldn’t possibly turn him down. “You can stay.”

Dean shot him a look, but Sam ignored it. Gabriel zapped from his chair to the table top, laying upside down in front of Sam, staring up at him with a huge grin on his face. Sam retorted a little, but Gabriel grabbed his face and squished it between his hands. “Uhhh…” Sam groaned questioningly between Gabriel’s hands. Gabe flipped himself over and smacked a big kiss against Sam’s cheek.

“Thank you!” He beamed, slapping Sam’s cheek lightly and hopping back off the table to explore the bunker.

“Uh… You’re welcome?” Sam sat, stunned. Dean was almost to the point of laughing, but the sheer shock of it kept him from doing so. Castiel just sat there, a faint smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, happy at the thought that he might just get his grace back after all.

“He’s staying in your room,” Dean said, rolling his eyes and leaning back in his chair.

“You ever thought of getting a dog?” Gabriel asked as he slammed his hands on the back of Dean’s chair and tipped him back. Dean gasped, flailing a little to keep his balance.

“No!” Dean snapped, thrusting himself forwards to knock the chair back down.

“But I am getting a kitten,” Cas said, smiling up at his brother.

“Oh. A cat…” Gabriel seemed disappointed, but after a moment of thought his smile returned, “I guess I can deal with that. I was really hoping for a dog though.”

“I’ve always wanted a dog,” Sam mumbled, disheartened, resting his face against his hand. “Dean wouldn’t let me though. He says he doesn’t like dogs, but he’ll get Cas a kitten even though he has allergies…”

“Well that’s not fair, now is it?” Gabriel said, clicking his tongue at Dean.

“Why does everyone here insist on getting pets anyway? Aren’t people enough trouble?” Dean snapped, crossing his arms over his chest. He knew it wasn’t fair to Sam, but Sam hadn’t made or won any bets - mostly because he knew better.

“Because, pets are there to make you feel better about the bad stuff, comfort you, just like family. Pets, eventually, become family because they are capable of caring about you as much as any brother or father or mother, because you take care of them and they love you for it,” Kevin chimed in. Dean stared blankly at him, trying to process how a little cat or dog that can’t even speak or grab things with opposable thumbs, could possibly care as much about them as a person could. “Never mind…” Kevin mumbled, realizing that Dean would never understand.

“It doesn’t matter, there isn’t room in here for some slobbering, barking, poop machine,” Dean grumbled.

“But there’s room for a clawed, mewing, poop machine?” Sam responded, mocking Dean.

“They don’t take up as much space and attention…” Dean mumbled, not looking at Sam.

“Right,” Sam rolled his eyes, “if you’re so okay with getting a kitten, then why don’t we have one already?”

“Because I made that deal with Cas less than a day ago, we haven’t had the time to go and get one.”

“Oh, is that all?” Gabriel groaned, tired of their bickering. “Just give me a moment, please,” he said, touching his fingers to Castiel’s forehead before they both disappeared. Sam and Dean blinked with open mouths at the empty chair, wondering where they had gone, and Kevin snickered quietly from his seat.

“What the hell is he doing?” Dean growled, staring intently at the chair after three minutes had passed and they still weren’t back.

Another minute passes, and no one moves, they all sit and wait for Gabriel to bring Cas back. Then there was a feathery sound, and there they were, both standing next to the chair. Cas was grinning widely as he sat back in his chair, clutching a little blue eyed kitten close to his chest and rubbing his nose against it’s forehead lovingly.

“You have a name for it?” Kevin asked, leaning closer to look at the kitten nuzzled up against Cas’ neck purring.

“May I suggest, Loki?” Gabriel commented, smirking.

“Don’t be full of yourself, Gabriel. Thank you for the kitten, but I was thinking something more like Celeste,” Cas murmured, rubbing a thumb on the kittens forehead while it pushed into his touch, purring into his ear.

“I think I’d call her Raven,” Sam added, watching Cas, bathing in his jealousy. 

“Or we could name her Dog,” Kevin joked, only getting a few smiles in return while he laughed at himself. He cleared his throat after a moment and looked away in embarrassment. Dean sneezed.

“I don’t know you guys, I kind of liked Celeste,” Dean mumbled, his voice thick and nasally due to his allergies, for what ever reason wanting to hold the kitten and stroke it’s fur even though it had just made him sneeze. He made a mental note to go out and get some allergy medicine so that it wouldn’t be a horribly bad idea to get close to the cat, but just as the thought crossed his mind a little box was tossed into his lap. He looked up, startled, at Gabriel who was smirking at him.

“Cas told me about your little problem, so I took care of it,” He said, smiling.

“Thanks,” Dean started, a little surprised by the gesture. For some reason, though, he felt like maybe Gabriel was capable of simply eradicating Dean’s allergies altogether. “But can’t you just…”

“Yes, I can. The box is just for show. Open it up, Deano,” Gabriel smirked, slapping Dean on the shoulder and instantly clearing up the congestion the cat had caused. Dean blinked wildly at the change, warily opening the little box disguised as medicine. He tipped it over and a small plastic bottle fell into his hand, rattling with what must have been pills. Dean raised a brow at Gabriel questioningly, and he gestured for him to open the bottle. So he did, and inside there were no pills, but there were peanut M&M’s. Dean scoffed at the bottle, unamused.

“Oh, come on. Just try one, you will love them, trust me.” Gabriel was leaning against the back of Dean’s chair, watching and waiting, wanting to see the look on his face. Dean was leery of Gabriel’s behavior, worried it might be a trick, but as he popped a pice of candy into his mouth he was instantly pleased. Gabriel smiled at Dean’s reaction and ruffled his hair like they were brother’s. He seemed to think of this as their moment of reconciliation, that they were no longer rivals, and now were more like acquaintances at least. He hoped, anyway. 

“These are amazing! What are they?” Dean asked, moaning quietly at the flavor in his mouth. Sam scoffed at him, sure he was overreacting, and snatched one from the bottle to try for himself. But just as soon, he was also amazed.

“I call them Favor-Flavors. Clever, right?” Gabriel joked, amused by the faces the boys were making as they ate the candies. He took one for himself and continued talking with it in his mouth, “They taste like what ever you want them to, most often what ever you are most craving at the moment.”

“Thats awesome,” Dean mumbled, chewing another pice, “Can I call you Willy Wonka?” Gabriel rolled his eyes at Dean and took another piece. Cas was interested now, leaning closer but not reaching for a piece or asking, just watching. He wanted to ask, but Dean almost didn’t seem to want to share, so he kept his mouth shut. But that didn’t stop the puppy eyes from creeping their way to his face, and when Dean noticed he frowned.

“Cas, if you want one just ask,” Dean said, pulling one out of the bottle and handing it to Cas, whose hands were occupied by the kitten. He recognized that almost instantly, and he leaned closer, holding the candy up to Cas’ face. He opened his mouth and Dean pushed the pice in and watched his face light up at the flavor. Dean had to ignore the way his finger brushed against Cas’ soft lip.

“Oh, and don’t worry about running out, I can always make more,” Gabriel said, smiling at his little brother’s happiness - and trying to avoid any awkward moments of silence. He was never all that close with Castiel, or just about any of his family for that matter, but seeing him now, so human and vulnerable; it made him happy to know that at least one of his fallen brothers was safe and content. 

“Thanks, man,” Dean smiled up at Gabriel. “Sorry about before, I’m just a little stressed.”

“You’re welcome,” Gabriel replied, slightly uncomfortable with Dean’s apology and not knowing how to deal with it. Dean yawned and stretched out in his chair, his foot pressing against Cas’ shin. Cas put effort into keeping still, forced himself not to jump at the touch, focusing on the kitten.

“I think I should probably go to bed now,” Dean mumbled, putting the lid back on the bottle and setting it down before he got up from his chair, and pet the kitten’s head as he stumbled off to his bedroom where he fell hard against the memory foam mattress and sank into it. A minute later Cas was in the doorway, still holding the kitten close to himself.

“You just gonna stand there or do you need something?” Dean’s asked, voice distorted by the mattress.

“No. I just wanted to thank you for letting me keep Celeste.”

“So you’ve decided on her name?”

“Yeah…” Cas said quietly, scratching lightly behind the kitten’s ear nervously.  
 “That’s good. I like that name,” Dean whispered tiredly, eyes closed. He sat up slowly, realizing he was still in all of his clothes and wanting desperately to get out of them so he could get to sleep. He leaned over to pull his boots off, then his socks, then his jeans, and he stopped when Cas cleared his throat from the doorway. Dean looked up at him, remembering he was there.

“What’s up?” Dean asked, noticing that there was clearly something Cas still wanted to talk about.

“I ah… Nothing, I’ll talk to you about it tomorrow, I’m too tired now.” But Cas didn’t leave, he just stood in the doorway, letting the kitten crawl up on his shoulder’s and perch there with it’s face against his neck. The sight of it made Dean smile a little, thinking the cat was like a parrot. They seemed perfect for each other, that cat and him.

“Okay, if you say so. Goodnight, Cas.” Dean was trying to get Cas to leave if he was going to leave, wanting to go to bed.

“Yes, goodnight, Dean. Sweet dreams,” Cas muttered, walking slowly away so as not to disturb the kitten who was now falling asleep on his shoulder. 

Dean sighed, closing the door to his room before he finished getting undressed and fell back onto his bed, wrapping the sheets around himself and turning the light off. Even though he was tired and in a comfortable bed, he couldn’t sleep. Something was eating at his mind, keeping him awake. He wanted to know what it was Cas had to say, remembering things Cas had said, remembering where they had been and what they had been doing before Gabriel had decided to show up.

He stared into the darkness for a long time, just thinking, his body physically complaining that he was laying still in his bed, a strange and infuriating urge to get up and move that made his legs and hands almost ache in a way. It was sudden, when he moved, the way he almost jumped from his bed, taking the sheets with him half way off of the bed. But he couldn’t go to Cas, and he didn’t want to go to Sam, so he just wandered around the bunker for a while. After he’d been in and out of most of the rooms he was more dissatisfied than before, he needed to do something productive.

He couldn’t leave, mostly because he didn’t feel like going outside at the moment when he was barely dressed. So he started doing laundry. It had to be done anyway, so why not? It was around one in the morning, and he was folding laundry and humming to himself. He had made it half way through the load before he could suddenly feel that Castiel was standing in the doorway.

“Dean, I need help…” Cas said, sounding slightly panicked as he stroked the kitten and held it close to himself.

“What is it, I’m a little busy, Cas,” Dean grumbled, expecting it to just be something stupid.

“I hear barking.”

“What?!” Dean asked, turning his head to look at Cas so fast he almost gave himself whiplash.

“Barking. And I don’t know where it’s coming from…”

“Dammit, Gabriel!” Dean growled, pushing past Cas and storming over to Sam’s room. He banged on the door and didn’t wait for an answer before he swung the door open. “What the hell is this?”

“Hmm?” Gabriel hummed, turning fast to look at Dean, hands in his pockets and looking almost too innocent. Dean didn’t know what to do, what to say. He expected to come in and see a little yipping puppy running at him, but there was nothing. Just Sam sitting on his bed with a book in his hands and Gabriel standing in the middle of the room.

“I… Um…” Dean stuttered, feeling a little embarrassed. “Cas said he heard barking. I thought that…”

“Dean, really?” Sam asked, sounding annoyed. “You didn’t seriously think we would get a dog, did you?”

“Well, yeah actually,” Dean shrugged, a nervous laugh escaping his lips and he noticed Cas out of the corner of his eye, his brows pulled together as he scanned the room for the source of the barking.

“Well, actually no. We wouldn’t do that,” Sam says, not hurt by Dean’s accusation, but angry that he was being truthful. He desperately wanted to just give in and ask Gabriel for a dog, but he knew Dean would be angry, and what just happened was a good reminder of it, too. He needed more time before he could even ask Dean.

“That barking was me,” Gabriel said, somewhat bashful, which seemed odd and set off an alarm in Dean’s head. Something wasn’t right about this.

“Really?” Dean asked, unbelieving, slightly mocking.

“Yeah, Sam wanted to read but I was bored, so I was trying to get his attention…” Gabriel lowered his head, almost actually seeming embarrassed. Dean squinted at him, confused.

“Okay, what ever,” Dean mumbled as he turned to leave, and under his breath he mocked Gabriel, “freaking weirdo.” Cas followed Dean out, walking right behind him. He followed like a lost puppy, clutching the kitten close to his heart at all times, letting it purr in his ear as he stroked it.

Dean was hyper aware of Cas; of his footstep sounds, the burning of his eyes watching him walk. It was slightly maddening; mostly because he could feel the way Cas was staring at his ass, and it bothered him for a number of reasons, but the biggest one being that he kind of liked it and it made his stomach twist up into knots. He tried to ignore it, but he couldn’t possibly do that when he could just feel Cas’ eyes burning holes through his clothes and searing his skin. He could feel the magnetic attraction, the burning infatuation, the sick thoughts that ran through both of their minds. What else can he do but to wonder what kind of crazy things Cas is thinking about?

Then they were back where they started, Dean folding clothes and Cas standing in the doorway, both pretending they didn’t ever leave the room and hadn’t thought those dirty thoughts. But Dean doesn’t dare to look up at Cas, not even turn around to face him because his cheeks are flushed and pink and he doesn’t want them to burn hotter if Cas were to notice. 

“I am going to bed,” Cas mutters after a long while. He doesn’t leave though.

“Okay, good night,” Dean says, his voice hoarse and quiet because he is tired and a little too warm for some reason. And when Cas still doesn’t leave Dean looks up at him, surprised to see the way his eyes sparkled a little with some kind of crazy passion that he wouldn’t dare to name, his pupils dilated so large that the blue of his eyes seemed dark and sparsely visible. But he still didn’t move, he just stared at Dean, watching the red creep up into Dean’s cheeks.

“Cas,” Dean managed, a questioning tone to his voice, because why the hell was still there after he’d said he would leave, more importantly why the hell is he just staring? But Dean’s voice made something in Castiel’s head connect, his eyes snapping away from Dean as he turned to leave.

“Good night, Dean,” Cas said as he walked to his room, leaving Dean there with a red face and an open mouth with no words to speak. What just happened? Dean couldn’t just let it go like that, and for what ever reason he came after Cas and grabbed him by the shoulder, spinning him around to face him.

Cas gasped in surprise with the suddenness of Dean’s actions, but he didn’t have time to make much sound before Dean was muting him with his mouth. He fought not to just melt into Dean, clutching the cat as they kissed with Dean’s hands on his shoulders pinning him to the wall.

“Dean,” Cas whispered, turning his head away a little to break the kiss.

“Hmm?” Dean hummed, buzzing with happiness, eyes closed. 

“It’s late, I’m tired… Can we continue this after sleep?” Dean groaned a little at that, but shook his head and pulled away, letting Cas go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am seeming to be having a very hard time finding the motivation and time to keep writing this, so if people like it I suppose I can do it, but more than once I have thought of abandoning the work. A part of me would hate myself for it, but I don't know for sure where this is even going yet.
> 
> Feedback would be much appreciated.


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